Home/Toolkit/Manager/Tool #M4: Effective one-on-one meetings

In this tool, you’ll discover

  • The difference between team meetings vs one-on-one sessions
  • Why one-on-one meetings are important 
  • Who you should have them with and how often
  • Guiding principles for an effective meeting
  • How to approach each meeting
  • How to manage a good old vent

Team meetings vs one-on-one meetings

Typically, leaders will introduce a meeting cadence to keep information flowing between themselves and the entire team (team meetings), and themselves and the individuals within the group (one-on-one sessions). 

How often these meetings occur depends on the team’s size, how it is structured, what the team’s working on, and the leader’s preferences. 

In this video, we walk through some examples to give you some ideas for setting up a meeting cadence for your team.

Why are one-on-one meetings important?

Let’s do a little exercise. Take a moment to think about how you feel about catching up regularly with your boss. Why is it important to you? What do you hope to get out of these meetings? 

Chances are, your team members feel the same way. 

They will want to catch up with you for several reasons.

  • To get to know you and understand how to work with you 
  • So you can get to know them
  • To showcase their work
  • To demonstrate their capabilities
  • To ask for advice or support
  • To learn something from you 
  • To discuss things privately
  • To put a case or idea forward
  • To get feedback on what they are doing well, and what needs improvement

Now let’s think what you get out of it as a leader.

  • The opportunity to get to know what makes your team member tick, so you know how to motivate them
  • The opportunity to coach them, share your knowledge and help them grow 
  • A deeper understanding of what’s going on within the team (e.g. team dynamics), and with other critical relationships across the organisation 
  • Increased loyalty

Who should you have one-on-one meetings with and how often?

It depends on your team’s size and structure (see video above) but generally speaking; it’s worth catching up with your direct reports weekly. If you have too many direct reports, try fortnightly so you can spread the load. 

It’s a good idea to have the meetings at the same time every week, and earlier in the week (Monday – Wednesday). Book it in diaries as an ongoing recurring meeting. 

Regarding the rest of your team members, catching up with them every 3 – 6 months to check-in reminds them that you care. Let them know in advance that you just want to see how they are doing and book in a casual meeting (virtual or actual coffee meeting). Ask them lots of questions about what they love about their job, what frustrates them, what ideas they have and what they’d like to do next in their career. And allow them to ask you any questions they would like to ask.

Guiding principles

Keep in mind how important this meeting is for your team member. They have probably spent time preparing for it, and they will no doubt have a list of things they want to talk to you about that they have been saving for the meeting. 

Also, keep in mind that these meetings allow you to motivate, coach and provide direction. 

  • Try not to cancel or re-schedule at the last minute
  • Try not to be late. If you are running late, let them know. 
  • Give them your full attention – put your phone/laptop away if you can. 
  • Check on their wellbeing
  • Listen more than you talk
  • Praise them at least once in every meeting – lavishing praise is the easiest way to keep someone motivated
  • Thank them at least once in every meeting, e.g. thank you for bringing that to my attention, thank you for your idea, thank you for being honest with me etc.
  • Give constructive feedback
  • Ask questions to challenge their thinking, e.g. What other options have you considered? Who else needs to informed? What data or evidence do you have to support that opinion? What feedback have you received from others?

How to approach each meeting

As a guideline, there are six steps to follow.

  1. Check on their wellbeing to make sure they are OK, and so you know what frame of mind they are in
  2. Let them give you an update on what they are doing and allow them to ask you questions
  3. Ask them for further updates on anything you’d like to know more about
  4. Inform them of anything they need to know 
  5. Agree to any actions 
  6. If there is anything they need from you, get it to them as quickly as you can

 Having said that, each of your team members is different. Your one-on-one meetings will be more effective if you adjust your approach to their needs.

We would highly recommend plotting each of your team members on the Skill-Will matrix (Tool #C2: Understanding the Individuals). It’s a quick and easy exercise that will help you adjust your approach. 

There are four quadrants in the matrix. Here are some ideas on how you might approach the meeting differently based on which quadrant your team member falls into.

Quadrant What they need How to approach a 1:1
High performers

(High skill/high will)

People in this quadrant want to be empowered. They are hungry for challenging work and personal development. Let them control the agenda. They’ll come prepared with a list of things to talk about. 

Give them praise and constructive feedback. 

Ask questions that prompt them to think differently. 

Ask them for input on decisions you have to make.

Aspiring 

(Low skill/high will)

People in this quadrant are super keen to demonstrate what they are capable of, and they want to develop new skills. Let them control the agenda. They’ll come prepared with a list of things to talk about. 

Give them praise and constructive feedback. You want to keep these people motivated and engaged. 

Work with them on specific development areas, e.g. review a piece of their work with them. Help them to evaluate it and improve upon it critically.

Capable 

(High skill, low will)

People in this quadrant are likely to want to demonstrate that they’re doing their job. They are also likely to have a good old whinge. 

You need them to be more motivated and engaged.

It’s a good idea for you to control the agenda. 

Get the operational stuff over and done with quickly. 

Give them praise and constructive feedback. 

If they start to have a whinge, establish if there is anything worth discussing and if not, move the conversation on. 

Ask lots of questions to help you establish what motivates and engages them, e.g. what do you enjoying most about your role? What do you find interesting about the work the team/company is doing? How do you think you could help/make a difference?

Low performers

(Low skill, low will)

Tight supervision and management. 

You need them to be more motivated and engaged.

Ask them to come prepared with progress updates on very specific tasks/projects.

Give them praise and constructive feedback. 

Set clear expectations and check their understanding.

How to manage a good old vent

From time to time, your team member will rock up to the meeting and start with a vent. Or they might launch into one throughout the session. 

Vents are gold because you can learn so much about what someone cares about and what frustrates them. 

Some people are emotionally intelligent enough to know what they are about to do and will say “I just need to vent for a minute if that’s OK?” or they’ll say something like “Sorry, I just needed to vent” once they are finished.  They are usually capable of moving on quickly, and they aren’t looking for a solution. 

Others will be less aware, and you’ll need to stop them if they go for too long, become too negative or vent about the same issue in multiple meetings.

Try breaking their line of thought with a question that makes them stop and think, e.g. if you were to boil you’re frustration down to one thing, what would it be and how would you summarise it in less than ten words? If you had a magic wand, what’s one thing you could do to improve the situation? (very important to put the onus on something they could do, not something someone else could do for them).

Other useful tools

In this tool, you’ll discover

  • The difference between team meetings vs one-on-one sessions
  • Why one-on-one meetings are important 
  • Who you should have them with and how often
  • Guiding principles for an effective meeting
  • How to approach each meeting
  • How to manage a good old vent

Team meetings vs one-on-one meetings

Typically, leaders will introduce a meeting cadence to keep information flowing between themselves and the entire team (team meetings), and themselves and the individuals within the group (one-on-one sessions). 

How often these meetings occur depends on the team’s size, how it is structured, what the team’s working on, and the leader’s preferences. 

In this video, we walk through some examples to give you some ideas for setting up a meeting cadence for your team.

Why are one-on-one meetings important?

Let’s do a little exercise. Take a moment to think about how you feel about catching up regularly with your boss. Why is it important to you? What do you hope to get out of these meetings? 

Chances are, your team members feel the same way. 

They will want to catch up with you for several reasons.

  • To get to know you and understand how to work with you 
  • So you can get to know them
  • To showcase their work
  • To demonstrate their capabilities
  • To ask for advice or support
  • To learn something from you 
  • To discuss things privately
  • To put a case or idea forward
  • To get feedback on what they are doing well, and what needs improvement

Now let’s think what you get out of it as a leader.

  • The opportunity to get to know what makes your team member tick, so you know how to motivate them
  • The opportunity to coach them, share your knowledge and help them grow 
  • A deeper understanding of what’s going on within the team (e.g. team dynamics), and with other critical relationships across the organisation 
  • Increased loyalty

Who should you have one-on-one meetings with and how often?

It depends on your team’s size and structure (see video above) but generally speaking; it’s worth catching up with your direct reports weekly. If you have too many direct reports, try fortnightly so you can spread the load. 

It’s a good idea to have the meetings at the same time every week, and earlier in the week (Monday – Wednesday). Book it in diaries as an ongoing recurring meeting. 

Regarding the rest of your team members, catching up with them every 3 – 6 months to check-in reminds them that you care. Let them know in advance that you just want to see how they are doing and book in a casual meeting (virtual or actual coffee meeting). Ask them lots of questions about what they love about their job, what frustrates them, what ideas they have and what they’d like to do next in their career. And allow them to ask you any questions they would like to ask.

Guiding principles

Keep in mind how important this meeting is for your team member. They have probably spent time preparing for it, and they will no doubt have a list of things they want to talk to you about that they have been saving for the meeting. 

Also, keep in mind that these meetings allow you to motivate, coach and provide direction. 

  • Try not to cancel or re-schedule at the last minute
  • Try not to be late. If you are running late, let them know. 
  • Give them your full attention – put your phone/laptop away if you can. 
  • Check on their wellbeing
  • Listen more than you talk
  • Praise them at least once in every meeting – lavishing praise is the easiest way to keep someone motivated
  • Thank them at least once in every meeting, e.g. thank you for bringing that to my attention, thank you for your idea, thank you for being honest with me etc.
  • Give constructive feedback
  • Ask questions to challenge their thinking, e.g. What other options have you considered? Who else needs to informed? What data or evidence do you have to support that opinion? What feedback have you received from others?

How to approach each meeting

As a guideline, there are six steps to follow.

  1. Check on their wellbeing to make sure they are OK, and so you know what frame of mind they are in
  2. Let them give you an update on what they are doing and allow them to ask you questions
  3. Ask them for further updates on anything you’d like to know more about
  4. Inform them of anything they need to know 
  5. Agree to any actions 
  6. If there is anything they need from you, get it to them as quickly as you can

 Having said that, each of your team members is different. Your one-on-one meetings will be more effective if you adjust your approach to their needs.

We would highly recommend plotting each of your team members on the Skill-Will matrix (Tool #C2: Understanding the Individuals). It’s a quick and easy exercise that will help you adjust your approach. 

There are four quadrants in the matrix. Here are some ideas on how you might approach the meeting differently based on which quadrant your team member falls into.

Quadrant What they need How to approach a 1:1
High performers

(High skill/high will)

People in this quadrant want to be empowered. They are hungry for challenging work and personal development. Let them control the agenda. They’ll come prepared with a list of things to talk about. 

Give them praise and constructive feedback. 

Ask questions that prompt them to think differently. 

Ask them for input on decisions you have to make.

Aspiring 

(Low skill/high will)

People in this quadrant are super keen to demonstrate what they are capable of, and they want to develop new skills. Let them control the agenda. They’ll come prepared with a list of things to talk about. 

Give them praise and constructive feedback. You want to keep these people motivated and engaged. 

Work with them on specific development areas, e.g. review a piece of their work with them. Help them to evaluate it and improve upon it critically.

Capable 

(High skill, low will)

People in this quadrant are likely to want to demonstrate that they’re doing their job. They are also likely to have a good old whinge. 

You need them to be more motivated and engaged.

It’s a good idea for you to control the agenda. 

Get the operational stuff over and done with quickly. 

Give them praise and constructive feedback. 

If they start to have a whinge, establish if there is anything worth discussing and if not, move the conversation on. 

Ask lots of questions to help you establish what motivates and engages them, e.g. what do you enjoying most about your role? What do you find interesting about the work the team/company is doing? How do you think you could help/make a difference?

Low performers

(Low skill, low will)

Tight supervision and management. 

You need them to be more motivated and engaged.

Ask them to come prepared with progress updates on very specific tasks/projects.

Give them praise and constructive feedback. 

Set clear expectations and check their understanding.

How to manage a good old vent

From time to time, your team member will rock up to the meeting and start with a vent. Or they might launch into one throughout the session. 

Vents are gold because you can learn so much about what someone cares about and what frustrates them. 

Some people are emotionally intelligent enough to know what they are about to do and will say “I just need to vent for a minute if that’s OK?” or they’ll say something like “Sorry, I just needed to vent” once they are finished.  They are usually capable of moving on quickly, and they aren’t looking for a solution. 

Others will be less aware, and you’ll need to stop them if they go for too long, become too negative or vent about the same issue in multiple meetings.

Try breaking their line of thought with a question that makes them stop and think, e.g. if you were to boil you’re frustration down to one thing, what would it be and how would you summarise it in less than ten words? If you had a magic wand, what’s one thing you could do to improve the situation? (very important to put the onus on something they could do, not something someone else could do for them).

Other useful tools

Written by : Melissa McCarney

Melissa knows first hand what it is like to be responsible for leading people and has experienced all the highs and lows. She wants leaders to feel supported and confident which is why she founded Better Bosses. Melissa cares about sharing what she has learnt and gets excited about creating great content and tools that help leaders bring out the best in themselves and their teams - because she knows how rewarding that is. She is a mum of two teenagers who put her people management skills to the test in entirely new ways. And when she needs to clear her head, she swims.